When you think of ropes, you might picture hardware store aisles or practical uses like securing a kayak. But ropes can hold a different kind of power—a transformative, deeply intentional power that connects us to parts of ourselves we rarely access. This is the art of shibari, the Japanese practice of rope bondage. Far from its origins as a tool of restraint and control, shibari has evolved into a profound healing and liberating practice.
For centuries, shibari’s predecessor, kinbaku, was used in Japan for discipline and even humiliation. Yet, as shibari has traveled to the West, it has undergone a beautiful transformation. No longer about oppression, it’s become a practice rooted in trust, care, and connection. The ropes are no longer symbols of power over someone else—they’re tools for creating safety, surrender, and freedom.
The Healing Power of Surrender
At its heart, shibari is about surrendering with intention. In a world that glorifies control, productivity, and independence, surrender is often seen as a weakness. Shibari challenges that idea. When practiced with safety and consent, it allows you to step into a space where surrender feels safe and nourishing.
The ropes serve as a container—a physical and energetic hold that lets you release tension, both physically and emotionally. Being tied becomes a moment of letting go, an invitation to reconnect with your body, breath, and emotions. Surrender in this context isn’t about giving up—it’s about leaning into trust and vulnerability.
From Restriction to Liberation
One of the paradoxes of shibari is that it uses restriction to create liberation. When practiced in a space of mutual respect and attunement, the experience of being tied can feel unexpectedly freeing.
The ropes offer a sense of containment and grounding, creating a sanctuary where you can let go of your mental armor. The connection between the person tying and the person being tied becomes a dance of trust, where the ropes facilitate a deep sense of safety and care. For many, this experience leads to emotional release, spiritual awakening, or simply a sense of profound connection.
A Surprising Gateway to Healing
A couple of years ago, a friend of mine, Nome, who owns an ayahuasca center in Peru offered to gift me a shibari session. He explained that the healing one could experience through ropes often rivaled the intensity and transformation of plant medicine ceremonies. I was intrigued but nervous, and I didn’t take him up on the offer. Looking back, I regret it, but perhaps another opportunity will arise. The idea stuck with me: that shibari could be a gateway to healing as powerful as ayahuasca.
More recently, I attended an introductory shibari workshop led by Rina Trevi, a fascinating woman and healer. I was nervous to show up alone, but the warmth of the attendees put me at ease almost immediately. We began with an energetic portion led by Peter Peterson, focusing on creating safety and connection before learning to tie. The experience included exploring the elements of earth, air, fire, and water through shibari.
During the workshop, I was tied by two different people and also had the chance to tie two others. I was surprised at how natural it felt to tie someone with care and intention. Each interaction felt like a dance, a flow of energy that was both grounding and empowering. The experience left me in awe of how shibari could facilitate not only connection with others but also a deeper connection with myself.
Shibari as a Tool for Trauma Healing
Shibari isn’t just an art form—it’s a somatic healing practice that aligns closely with modern trauma therapies like somatic experiencing. Here’s how it helps:
Releasing Stored Trauma: Trauma lives in the body, and the ropes can act as a tool for gently accessing and releasing it. The containment provided by the ropes offers a sense of safety, allowing emotions to surface and be processed.
Nervous System Regulation: Shibari activates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting a state of calm and relaxation that can counteract the effects of chronic stress or trauma.
Rebuilding Trust: For those who’ve experienced betrayal or loss of control, shibari offers a space to rebuild trust in a safe and consensual environment.
The Dance of Energies
Shibari also explores the balance of dominant and submissive energies. The person tying holds space with care and intention, while the person being tied practices trust and surrender. This interplay mirrors the dynamics we navigate in life—sometimes leading, sometimes letting go. In shibari, these roles are embodied with intention, creating a dynamic that feels both empowering and harmonious.
It’s Not About Kink—It’s About Connection
A common misconception is that shibari is inherently part of BDSM or kink culture. While it can be, it doesn’t have to be. Shibari is ultimately about connection—to yourself, to another person, or to the present moment. It can be spiritual, meditative, creative, or simply a new way to explore your edges.
You don’t have to be adventurous or experienced to try shibari. It’s a practice that meets you where you are, inviting curiosity and openness.
Final Thoughts: Transforming Ropes Into Liberation
Shibari’s evolution from a practice of control to one of liberation is a testament to the power of intention and context. It’s a reminder that even practices rooted in vulnerability can become pathways to empowerment when approached with care.
For me, shibari has been a surprising and transformative journey—a way to explore trust, connection, and the power of surrender. Whether you’re curious about its healing potential, drawn to its artistry, or simply looking to try something new, shibari offers a space to explore what it means to feel held, supported, and free.
Who knows? Maybe your next step toward liberation isn’t through words or actions but through the quiet strength of a knot, tied with care and intention. Would you take the leap? You might just discover something extraordinary waiting for you.