Let’s talk about holding space—that magical, slightly mysterious thing you’ve heard about but maybe aren’t totally sure how to do. It’s not a skill they teach in school (although they should). It’s the art of showing up for someone, not with answers or solutions, but with presence, compassion, and a willingness to just be with them. Sounds simple, right? It is...and it isn’t.
Holding space is one of the most powerful gifts you can offer, but it’s also a skill that requires practice. Why? Because our instinct, especially when someone we care about is struggling, is to jump in with advice, solutions, or that “motivational” speech we think will fix everything. (Spoiler alert: it usually doesn’t.)
But here’s the thing: most people don’t need you to fix them. They need you to hold space for them to feel, process, and figure things out on their own. Let’s break down what holding space really means, why it’s so impactful, and how you can do it in a way that feels natural, not forced.
1. What Does Holding Space Even Mean?
At its core, holding space is about creating an environment where someone feels safe to be vulnerable. It’s about putting your ego, agenda, and desire to control the outcome aside and simply being there. You’re not swooping in to solve their problems or telling them how to feel. You’re offering a container where they can show up as they are—messy, confused, and human.
Think of it as emotional hosting: you’re not the star of the show, but you’re making sure the environment feels welcoming, supportive, and free of judgment. No one needs fancy snacks or an emotional charcuterie board. They just need your presence.
2. Why Holding Space Feels So Hard
Okay, let’s be real: holding space is not always easy, especially if you’re a natural fixer or empath who feels all the things. Here’s why it can feel like a challenge:
We’re Uncomfortable with Discomfort: Watching someone struggle makes us squirm. Our instinct is to smooth things over, even if it’s not what they need.
We Think We Need to Have the Answers: There’s this weird cultural pressure to always know the right thing to say. But here’s the secret: you don’t need to say anything profound. Sometimes silence is the most powerful response.
We Want to Feel Useful: Offering solutions makes us feel like we’re doing something. But holding space isn’t about doing—it’s about being.
The truth is, holding space challenges us to sit with our own discomfort and trust that our presence is enough. And that? That’s hard and beautiful and worth practicing.
3. What Holding Space is NOT
Before we get into how to hold space, let’s clear up a few misconceptions. Holding space is not:
Giving Unsolicited Advice: “Have you tried yoga?” is not holding space. It’s problem-solving.
Judging Their Experience: Avoid saying things like, “You shouldn’t feel that way” or “It’s not that bad.” Trust me, it doesn’t help.
Making It About You: Sharing your own stories or saying, “I know exactly how you feel” can unintentionally shift the focus away from them.
Holding space is about meeting the person where they are—not where you think they should be.
4. How to Actually Hold Space (Without Losing Your Mind)
Ready to step into the sacred art of holding space? Here are some practical tips to get you started:
Step 1: Check Your Ego at the Door
This isn’t about being the hero or offering the perfect words. It’s about showing up with an open heart and no agenda. Take a deep breath and remind yourself: This isn’t about me.
Step 2: Listen Like You Mean It
Put away your phone, stop mentally rehearsing your response, and just listen. Like, really listen. Let them talk, vent, or cry without interrupting. Sometimes, they just need to hear their own voice.
Step 3: Resist the Urge to Fix
When someone shares something painful, your brain will scream, Fix it! Say something wise! Solve this problem! Ignore it. Instead, try saying, “I hear you” or “That sounds so hard.” Validation is more powerful than advice.
Step 4: Hold the Silence
Silence can feel awkward, but it’s often where the magic happens. Give them the space to sit with their feelings. You don’t need to fill every pause with words.
Step 5: Offer Empathy, Not Sympathy
Empathy says, “I’m here with you.” Sympathy says, “Wow, that sucks for you.” Empathy connects. Sympathy distances. Choose empathy.
Step 6: Ask What They Need
Sometimes the simplest way to hold space is to ask, “What do you need from me right now?” It lets them guide the interaction and shows you’re there to support them on their terms.
5. The Transformative Power of Holding Space
Here’s why holding space is so impactful: it gives people permission to be exactly who they are, without fear of judgment or pressure to “fix” themselves. It’s a reminder that they’re not alone in their struggle and that their feelings are valid.
Holding space also strengthens relationships in ways that advice-giving or fixing never can. When you hold space for someone, you create trust, deepen intimacy, and show them that they’re worthy of love and support, even in their most vulnerable moments.
6. Holding Space for Yourself
Before you can hold space for others, you need to know how to hold space for yourself. That means giving yourself permission to feel your own feelings, be imperfect, and process life at your own pace. Self-compassion is the foundation for being able to show up authentically for others.
Here’s how to start:
Take time to sit with your emotions without rushing to change or fix them.
Journal your thoughts or talk to someone who can hold space for you.
Practice self-care that nourishes your mind, body, and spirit.
7. Final Thoughts: Becoming a Space-Holder Extraordinaire
Holding space isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up, imperfections and all, with a willingness to be there. It’s about creating a safe haven where someone can let down their guard, feel seen, and start to heal.
The next time someone opens up to you, remember: you don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to solve their problems or say the perfect thing. Just be present. Just listen. Just hold space.
Because sometimes, the most healing thing you can do is simply be there. And that? That’s everything.