“Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” – The Buddha
Suffering is part of being human. Over 2,500 years ago, the Buddha taught this truth through the concept of Dukkha—life’s inevitable challenges, like grief, loss, change, and illness.
But here’s what makes suffering worse: our resistance to it. I know this all too well. For nearly two decades, I numbed my discomfort in any way I could. Cigarettes, my beloved Mary Jane, alcohol, internet addiction, drama, love addiction, and codependency became my go-to tools for escaping what I wasn’t ready to feel. I clung to relationships, needing validation to fill an internal void. I fed off emotional chaos, mistaking it for connection. At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing. I thought I was coping, managing, or simply trying to survive.
What I didn’t understand then was that avoidance didn’t heal the pain; it buried it deeper. Every distraction, every unhealthy attachment, and every hit of dopamine from another vice only added another layer to what was already unprocessed and unresolved. The longer I ran, the heavier it all became.
It took working with a fantastic therapist, deep introspection, years of practicing (the 8 limbs) yoga and mindfulness, journaling, bodywork, and working with psychedelics in ceremonial settings to finally see the truth: I wasn’t escaping my pain—I was running from myself.
The realization was both sobering and liberating: the only way out is through.
When I finally learned to sit with my discomfort, to breathe into those delicate and often terrifying spaces, I realized something essential: healing doesn’t require perfection or force—it requires self-compassion. That softness toward myself, something I had denied for so long, became the key to transforming my suffering into growth, clarity, and wisdom.
Modern Suffering: Comfortable Yet Overwhelming
Although we are fortunate here in the West—blessed with clean water, medical care, and countless conveniences—modern life comes with its own struggles that amplify our suffering:
Constant Overstimulation
We live in a world of endless input—notifications, emails, social media, TikTok, and AI tools. The internet, which promises connection, often leaves us overstimulated, disconnected, and mentally drained. Our homes hum with Wi-Fi signals, blue light, and electromagnetic fields (EMFs), keeping our nervous systems perpetually on edge.
Sedentary Living
Modern life traps us in chairs—at desks, in cars, and on couches. Unlike our ancestors, who moved constantly, we sit for hours. This stagnates our energy, creates tension in the body, and leaves us feeling lethargic and disconnected.
Disconnection from Nature
We’re cut off from the Earth beneath our feet and the grounding rhythms of nature. Artificial lights replace the sun, and concrete replaces the soil. Without this connection, we lose our balance, clarity, and sense of peace.
Addiction to Avoidance
I didn’t just numb with substances—I also escaped into internet addiction, drama, love addiction, and codependency. Whether it was scrolling endlessly online, seeking validation in relationships, or relying on others to define my worth, these patterns distracted me from my pain. I thought they were filling the void, but they were only deepening it.
Love addiction and codependency can feel like connection, but they are often rooted in a fear of facing ourselves. I chased relationships to avoid loneliness, mistaking intensity for love and chaos for intimacy. Instead of healing, I clung to people, hoping they would soothe what I wasn’t ready to confront.
The Glorification of Productivity
We live in a culture that worships busyness. We’re encouraged to do constantly, leaving little space for stillness, reflection, or simply being. Productivity becomes a mask, keeping us from facing what’s really going on inside.
The result? Despite our fortune and comforts, many of us feel more overwhelmed, disconnected, and emotionally exhausted than ever before.
Why Avoiding Pain Doesn’t Work
For over two decades, I avoided my pain. I smoked, drank, scrolled endlessly, and poured myself into relationships that weren’t healthy (among many other things). I became addicted to emotional highs, mistaking chaos for love and codependency for intimacy.
At the time, I didn’t realize that avoidance wasn’t healing—it was burying my emotions deeper. My unprocessed pain showed up as:
Chronic stress and physical tension.
Anxiety, depression, and burnout.
Patterns of love addiction, drama, and feeling “stuck.”
The more you resist pain, the more it persists. It wasn’t until I turned toward my discomfort—with curiosity, compassion, and softness—that I began to see the truth: pain can heal us if we allow it to.
The Role of Self-Compassion in Healing
For years, I believed I had to be tough to get through my pain. I thought healing meant pushing harder, forcing myself through discomfort with sheer willpower. I was wrong.
The truth is, healing requires self-compassion—the ability to hold yourself with kindness and love when you’re in pain.
Self-compassion allows you to:
Sit with your pain without judgment.
Speak to yourself as you would to someone you love: gently and with understanding.
Recognize that suffering is part of the shared human experience—you’re not alone.
When I began to meet myself with softness, everything shifted. I didn’t need to “fix” myself—I needed to love myself through it. Pain stopped being something I feared and became something I could hold, learn from, and release.
Self-compassion also involves reconnecting to your body and giving it the care it needs. For me, bodywork played a significant role in my healing. Massage, energy work, and somatic practices allowed me to release trauma and emotions that had been stored in my physical body for years.
Sometimes, the body holds onto pain long after the mind has forgotten it. Bodywork helps you access these areas, offering a release that is both physical and emotional.
How to Embrace Pain with Self-Compassion
Here are tools that helped me navigate pain while being gentle with myself:
Breathe Through It
Anchor yourself with slow, steady breathing. Say to yourself: “It’s okay to feel this. I am here for myself.”Speak Kindly to Yourself
Replace critical thoughts with supportive ones: “This is hard, but I’m doing my best. It’s okay to take my time.”Feel It Fully
Allow the emotion to surface without judgment. Let it be there, knowing it’s temporary.Move Your Body
Gentle movement—yoga, stretching, or walking—can help release tension and reconnect you to yourself.Get Bodywork
Massage, craniosacral therapy, Reiki, or other forms of bodywork can help release stored tension, trauma, and emotions, offering a deep sense of healing and connection to yourself.Reconnect with Nature
Sit with a tree, walk barefoot, or breathe fresh air. Nature has a grounding, calming power that soothes the nervous system.Write It Out
Journaling allows you to explore and meet your emotions with curiosity: What am I feeling? How can I show myself love right now?Practice Gratitude
Reflect on small, beautiful things in your life. Gratitude brings balance when emotions feel heavy.
Final Thoughts: The Courage to Feel, with Love
If you’re in pain right now, know this: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. Pain is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign that you’re alive and capable of growth.
Take a breath. Be kind to yourself. Healing isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence, patience, and self-love. And sometimes, it’s about giving your body the care and attention it needs to let go and heal.
The only way out is through. And when you meet your pain with compassion—mind, body, and soul—you’ll find something extraordinary on the other side: freedom, clarity, and a deeper connection to yourself.
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – The Buddha
What’s one way you’ve avoided discomfort that no longer serves you?